Cheating
by LordofDorkness
Summary: A tragic tale of love lost. Or not. T for a most tragic death... DosuSaku


Disclaimer: Naruto & Co. are not mine. Curse Kishimoto-sensei. Curse him good. Mrs. Butterworth isn't mine either. Wow, how lame am I?

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**Cheating**

Sakura woke up, sat up, and rubbed her eyes free of sleep. She smiled.

'_Home alone. That means pancakes!' _ she thought excitedly. Her family was visiting relatives, but she had stayed home for training. She could pig out and no one would see her.

After rushing through a shower, she skidded into the kitchen and started the stove. While she was carefully measuring out pancake mix, she heard a knock on the door. In a panic, she shoved the bowl and mix into a cupboard and switched off the oven.

Attempting to compose herself, Sakura walked to the door. In response to further knocking, she opened the door upon Ino.

"Sakura, how's it going?" Ino asked. "Wanna go throw potato chips at Chouji?"

"Um, sorry Ino, I'm going to..." _Do what? Pig out? What can I tell her and still get my breakfast of sin?_ Sakura wondered. _Oh, wait, I forgot. "_I just remembered that Kinuta was coming over this morning! How 'bout tomorrow?"

Ino gave her a puzzled look. "Kinuta? Who? You don't mean _Dosu_ Kinuta? You actually said yes when he asked you out?" she paused. "What about Sasuke?"

Sakura scowled. "Who cares about Sasuke? I got tired of him. If you must know, Kinuta and I have been going out for a few weeks now." She blushed. "He's just so _hot_. The bandages..."

"If you're just going to gush about creepy mummy guy, I'm outta here. Good luck on your date. Don't fall on your face." Ino fled, perplexed.

'_Well, now she's gone, but I still have to eat fast. He IS actually coming this morning._' Sakura closed the door, retrieved her supplies, and returned to the delicate manipulation of prepackaged breakfast bread mix.

With a heap of flapjacks and her favorite fork, Sakura paraded to the table. Suddenly, she stopped.

'_There's something I've forgotten. What was it...?_' She scrunched up her forehead in thought. '_Oh, how could I not remember? Syrup!!_' The pink-haired ninja ran to the cupboard and took out The Bottle.

Now settled with all proper ceremony, Sakura began to drizzle syrup on the leaning tower of pancakes. She didn't bother to single one out; she liked to eat them all at once.

Suddenly, her hand faltered and a small drizzle of brown goo escaped onto the table. '_Oh, no you don't'_ she thought, and swiped it up with her finger.

She licked it, and stopped. It was THAT brand. She grinned a huge grin even as she silently cursed her parents' absentminded shopping. Then she began to squirt syrup all over her face.

* * *

Yes, 'twas THAT brand. Unknown to most, Sakura had a rare condition. She was hopelessly in love with a certain brand of maple corn syrup, which caused her to attempt to consume huge quantities of the stuff while simultaneously coating her head with it. Luckily, she was only affected for a few hours after tasting it. Unfortunately, it came in very large bottles, and the specific offending bottle she had recently acquired was quite full.

* * *

Sakura heard a knock on the door. Inner Sakura concluded that this was Kinuta come over for their date, but Sakura herself couldn't have cared less. She was stuck to the kitchen floor and licking syrup off each individual strand of her formerly pink hair.

The knocking continued. Finally, the door creaked slowly open and Dosu poked his head in.

"Sakura, are you there? Did you forget about our..." he stopped, spotting her plastered to the sticky kitchen tiles. A look of horror spread over his (mostly hidden) features.

"How could you, Sakura?" he cried. "I thought you loved me!" He ran crying from her house, hands over his face. "Cheating on me with Mrs. Butterworth!!"

That was the last thing he ever said. Inner Sakura watched through the still-open door as Dosu, blinded by sadness at her "betrayal", slipped off of the landing by her door, slid down a nearby roof, scraped on a number of rather unfortunately placed and jagged loose shingles, and shot off the slanted surface to land, suspiciously bloody and definitely dead, on a far-off roof currently undergoing construction. She groaned at the idiocy of it all even as her clueless, syrupy counterpart drifted into dreamland.

* * *

The next day, the lifeless Dosu Kinuta was found. It was _strongly suggested_ that a certain Suna shinobi was responsible. Meanwhile, Sakura had woken from her Butterworth-induced stupor to find that her boyfriend had kicked it. Curses. Inner Sakura was deeply ashamed of herself. After a few moments of silence, the kunoichi returned to lusting after Sasuke.

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This message has been paid for by the Public Relations Council of Sunagakure!

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**A/N: So, yes... plot twist. Why should the Kazekage live with the dark cloud of murder hanging over his cute little head when the blame can be so conveniently shifted off onto random chance and poor coordination? Eh, never mind.  
**

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